The Green Monster of the Midwest
The Midwestern Gentleman was shocked, shocked, to learn that I have lived in the Midwest for over a year now without sampling that renowned staple of Midwestern potlucks, church dinners, and holiday family gatherings: Green Fluff. “What,” I asked innocently, “is Green Fluff?” He listed the ingredients. I made a face. “That sounds disgusting,” I confessed. “Oh, just you wait…,” he grinned.
There are apparently as many recipes for Green Fluff as there are waving stalks in an Iowa cornfield, but this recipe is the Midwestern Gentleman’s favorite. It contains Jell-O Pistachio Pudding mix (although some folks prefer Lime Jell-O mix) and coconut (which some folks prefer to do without) and multi-colored, fruity mini marshmallows (although plain will do in a pinch). According to the Midwestern Gentleman, this recipe’s best feature is the cottage cheese, which cuts the cloying sweetness of all the Cool Whip and marshmallows. Eww, I shudder just writing those ingredients together in one sentence. In spite of the fact that my rational brain finds this combination of ingredients a no-go, in spite of the awful grimace I made while spooning up my first bite… oh, you guessed it. This stuff is addictive. I could hear it beckoning to me from the refrigerator all night, taunting me with its strange, fluffy texture and vaguely fruity essence. The pleasant, friendly facade of the Midwest hides a seductive, sugary evil, and its name is Green Fluff.
1 (8-oz.) container Cool Whip
1 box Jell-O brand pistachio pudding mix
1 (12-oz.) cottage cheese
1 (10-oz) can pineapple tidbits (+ small amount of pineapple juice)
1-2 cups mini marshmallows, to taste
1-2 cups shredded coconut
Pour the Cool Whip into a large mixing bowl. Sprinkle the dry pistachio pudding mix over the Cool Whip, and beat them together until smooth. Stir in the cottage cheese. Gently fold in the pineapple, mini marshmallows, and coconut. Chill for at least an hour. Serve to non-Midwesterners with no apologies.